I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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