Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm both gender and math confused
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