haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You can't motorboat a personality
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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