Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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