My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
