Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
