we're chasing vodka with high fives
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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