That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
