the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize