I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
