he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
