I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
