you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
