Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
