Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
