My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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