no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
