Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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