new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
