I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
