Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
