ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
