ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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