Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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