we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
