she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
