Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
