last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
