I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
