he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
