Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
