ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
