If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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