If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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