If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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