I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
