and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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