naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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