i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
