I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
should my penis look like a turkey
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
