there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize