You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
