I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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