Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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