Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
