Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize