my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
