Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
honey bunches of taint.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
