I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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