he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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