The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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