They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
