I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize