it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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