hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
we should paint friendship bongs
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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