So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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