I wish I only lived at night.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
