How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize