if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
