i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i now understand why vodka
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
