Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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