That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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