the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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