8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
