I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
