whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
