The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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