Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
