you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
