I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
