Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
