upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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