Pants 0. Shit 1.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
