this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
