he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
