You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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