I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
