Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize