My nipple is on Facebook.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
