your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
