Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
