People with herpes should wear stickers.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
