Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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