it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
