I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
