she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
third nipple confirmed
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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