you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
