the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
