No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
