Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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