I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to align my fucking chakras
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
