I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
