I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
