he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
