I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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