Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
